The Honorary Hunzo | Street Art Shenanigans

On Sunday I took a ramble down Grafton Street to have a gander at the litany of work produced by local street artists. I approached the Stephens Green Shopping centre and a striking piece of street art caught my eye.

A dog made entirely of sand lay prostrate on the ground. A proud artist stood before his majestic work, shaking his cup for pecuniary compensation. I happily filled it, he wholeheartedly deserved my two euro of small change and pocket lint.

However upon walking to work, I noticed an identical Sand dog produced by a different artist. Every last detail was exactly the same, from the slope of the back, to the prominent nose. My suspicions were invoked, and I knew I must carry out further investigation.

I set my alarm for five AM and stealthily made my way into the city. I waited with bated breath as “The Sandman” made his entrance. He glanced around secretively to decipher whether any onlookers were present.

I remained hidden behind the recesses of the Ilac centre. He set up his “exhibition” and I saw it!! The glint of a plink plastic sand dog Mould.. He packed further sand onto it till it retained a compact shape with a smooth finish. His counterfeit kingdom was ready. Rage ravaged my insides. My two euro only served to fuel his bitter lies. Each innocent passerby, every kind consumer, would be affected by his sorcery. I wept for the loss of my innocence and the besmirching of my memories.

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When 7 AM eventually came I noticed other artists filter the streets. “The Chalk Man” wrote his deceitful messages “FOR EVERY EURO YOU GIVE ME GOD WILL GIVE YOU HIS BLESSINGS.” I had certainly bequeathed him with coins, and yet no blessings were bestowed. More blasphemous lies.

The kilt-clad bagpipe player began his dreadful bludgeoning of the national anthem. How dare he pollute our air in the knowledge that he was an atrocious player! Pure selfishness!!

Upon reaching my office I found myself reaching for legislative comfort.. The Sale of Goods and Supply of Services Act confirmed my beliefs. These artists had mislead the general public with their trickery and witchcraft.

Their false claims about the description of their goods was in stark contravention to both the Sale of Goods Act and the Consumer Protection Act 2007. Upon reviewing the legislation it would be appear that I should be entitled to each and every coin placed in The Sandman’s polystyrene cup!

I’d recommend a reform of the Act, as no quantifiable damages can measure my loss of faith in human kind.

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