The Honorary Hunzo | Bunreacht na hÉireann 2019 – A Cuckoo Constitution

Recently Rumours have escalated in the wake of the centenary of women’s voting rights, that the rightful place of women in the home may now be in Jeopardy! This conundrum has arisen due to a worrying change of morale in our now decadent nation. Dearest Eire is most definitely in a state of decline, which is encouraged by bleeding heart liberals and die hard feminist fanatics.

Instead of loving nurturing mothers, our households will be run by cold career driven cuckoos, turfing their eggs out of the maternal nests and taking flight in search of selfish financial gain. Such activity is promulgated into being by the national women’s council of Ireland, whose headquarters regularly hatches up evil plans, and infiltrates society via flying feminist monkey Journalists.

For the benefit for all ill educated impoverished plebs reading this piece,I shall briefly outline the section of the constitution in question, which was thoughtfully crafted by our forefathers. Article 41.2 .1 of the constitution highlights the following: 

“In particular the state recognises that with her life within the home, woman gives to the state support without which the common good cannot be achieved”. “The state shall therefore endeavour to ensure that mothers shall not be obliged to engage in labour to the neglect of the duties in the home”.

The Joint Oireachtas committee wishes to review this invaluable section which governs women’s rightful place in society and potentially remove it! Or worse again, allow the moronic moral-less public vote upon this fundamental issue in a potential referendum. This would be in blatant contradiction to the views of our founding forefathers. and all the modern precedent in this area (L v L, DT v CT, etc etc) Éamon de Valera would turn in his grave!

The sole benefit of a democratic state, is that public debate is necessary prior to a referendum. A public forum would discuss and consider what fate should befall article 41.2.1 and its supposedly symbolic status in Irish Society. It is my view that this article should be amended, enshrined and copper fastened to protect the future generations of catholic children, and prevent the creation of a cuckoo community. For the convenience of the future joint Oireachtas committee hearing I have amended the legislation to read as follows:

Article 41.2.1: “The state recognises that with her life within the home woman gives to the state support to achieve the common good. The state will provide assistance to all women who in return must carry out the following non exhaustive list of duties”

Subsection 1 – The Dutiful Wife section

The state recognises that it is the duty of a woman in the home to tend to the every need of her husband. This would include providing delightful dinners, preparing packed lunches, and massaging his ego where necessary. Enabling Golf weekends/ nights out with the lads is also of imperative importance here. Wives should also ensure their appearance is impeccable, and their BMI kept below 25 at all times to avoid severe penalties.

Subsection 2 – Provision of Progeny section

The sole purpose of a dutiful wife’s existence is to provide progeny for her husband, at the least stressful period in his life. Preferably after a promotion, and to incubate the offspring safely for the duration of nine months whilst also carrying out household duties.

Subsection 3 – Delightful Dinners and Terrific Tea section

Delightful dinners and plentiful cups of piping hot tea should be consistently supplied. In order to assist with this duty the state has provided stove shackles for dutiful wives to attach to their ankles whilst working. Half price hobs will also be provided as part of a social welfare scheme for fortunate wives to avail of.

Subsection 4 – Pristine Household keeping

All households should be kept in a pristine condition. In this regard the state will assist women in the interests of the common good, by providing up to date Dyson hoover models and discount dishwashers. Failure to fulfil the duties set out in Article 40 leads to imprisonment for a minimum of six months and potential execution.

We can conclude that if 41.1.1 is removed that dire consequences will occur, such as forcible ejection of young women into the working world. This would in turn lead them to neglect the joint needs of their offspring and their husbands combined. Substandard sandwiches, and lukewarm tea would be just some negative results of the implementation of a “cuckoo constitution.”

We must act fast and put a halt to this madness,

Respect our founding fathers wishes,

and stow women safely in the nest…