So What Are You Doing Today Mr President?

By Louis Antoniou

Cadillac one pulls up outside the shop
The barbers pole a patriotic salute
Out hops Donald for a trim of his mop
Leader of the Free World, a beach blonde galoot
As the barber cries at the state of his roots
He throws over the silk apron and incurs:
So, what are we doing today sir?
How do you refrain,
From total disdain
Whilst chopping up the Presidents fur?

So, what are we doing today sir?
He proceeded to wash his brittle hair
When old Trump commanded a head massage
It was met by sneers from his entourage
He towelled him off, sat him back in his chair
Began working his magic on this hairdo
When he pondered: what would Sweeney Todd do?

However do you tame this horrendous mane?
No top crop can hide that hideous build spot
There’s not enough hairspray to keep the wind at bay
No toupee will keep the paparazzi away
Who hacked at it?
Did a lion attack it?
Did a fisherman try and catch it?
Maybe Ivanna let rip with an iguana
A school boy slipped with scissors in hand
Perhaps a serial barber once roamed these lands
And was christened Jack The Clipper!
Or maybe it was a vengeful stripper
Did someone get Edward Scissor Hands pissed,
Who failed to persist in the exorcist?
The razor handed Onanist attempted to clip
But there was a nasty twist
The topiarist with broken wrists
Went at it with secateurs
So what are we doing today sir?

An eyesore of the barnet kind
Or the work of an evil mastermind
Beautifully designed doesn’t spring to mind
But that thing under the rug
Ain’t exactly humankind

So the barber handed the mirror to Trump
The horror show on top fuelled steam from his ears
The plump grump clearly had the hump
‘You’re the worst barber I’ve had in years!’
With the comb-over erratic
He snatched back the mirror,
He was worried he would crack it
As Trump stood to leave he blurted a slur
“You’ve put the country at great danger, you amateur.”
He vanished in hairdryer whir
So, what are we doing today sir?

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