Author

Silvia Heaney 20 posts 0 comments

Silvia Heaney is a promising young writer based in South Dublin. She changed her name from Mary Burke in 2010. Shes been published in Obscure Press, weareallliteraryhobos.com and a bevy of other small publications. She won the 1999 Poetry Award for National Schools in Dalkey Library. She is currently working on a screenplay, novel, play and a much awaited first poetry collection.

Humour Columns

The Truth Cannot be Found in Poetry

Silvia Heaney Feb 25, 2015 0

Monday 15th February I wrote poems for all the people who have not made me want to kill them. The muses of my past. The poems were wet, soggy and flaccid. I wrote them anyway, as if to burp up the last of the poetry in me. Tuesday 16th…

Humour Columns

Online Dating and its Poetic Potential

Silvia Heaney Feb 18, 2015 0

Monday 9th February For a week I have trespassed in the valley of doubt. There were no words, just blank days filled with the monumental ordinariness of everything. I spent most of my time with the cat. The cat seems to understand. It…

Humour Columns

How to Look Like a Poet

Silvia Heaney Feb 4, 2015 0

Monday 26th January I have had three erotic poems published in one week. This, after years of unanswered emails and submissions. It seems I have found the path to greatness and it is lined with smut and dildos. Tuesday 27th January I…

Humour Columns

Fifty Shades of Poetry

Silvia Heaney Jan 28, 2015 0

Monday 19th January Milly Squealed when she saw my hair. She told me to leave the office before anyone else saw me. Apparently my hair would cause uproar. She gave me a tenner to go to boots with the hissed instruction "get hair dye." As I…

Humour Columns

Suffering the Clutches of the Muse

Silvia Heaney Jan 21, 2015 0

Monday 12th January Milly had a nervous breakdown over the poet folders. She told me there was only one system and I must abide by it. That’s a summary of what was the most exasperating speech I’ve ever heard. She then spent several hours…

Humour Columns

Office Hours: How to Embrace the Little Things

Silvia Heaney Jan 14, 2015 0

Monday 5th January I always thought Mother worked in a bank. It’s not a bank at all. It’s something financial, possibly insurance, but everyone assumes I know because my mother works here, so nobody has actually told me. What they don’t…

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Succeeding at Reception in 3 Sexy Steps

Silvia Heaney Jan 7, 2015 0

Tuesday 30th December 2014 Laura came back to our apartment today. I was surprisingly thankful. There is only so much deep thought and reflection that one can subject themselves to. I’d spent the morning writing a series of poems about…

Humour Columns

Becoming a Duvet

Silvia Heaney Dec 30, 2014 0

Tuesday 23rd December I have spent the last two days in a duvet. Having the duvet on top of me did not seem to do anything for my hangover, so I unbuttoned the duvet, crawled in and curled up in the foetal position. Laura did not suffer…

Humour Columns

12 Pubs of a Poetic Christmas (Part Two)

Silvia Heaney Dec 24, 2014 0

Pub 7 Laura decided to be the ultimate hipster and include a hidden gem in our 12 pubs. I was all for it. I imagined something small and catered to our generation. But she went so far off the beaten track, that there were very few people…

Humour Columns

12 Pubs of a Poetic Christmas (Part One)

Silvia Heaney Dec 17, 2014 0

Pub One Every Christmas I attempt this and every Christmas I end up mashed into a taxi after the third pub, screaming obscenities at the driver and crying over whatever man has just broken my sex-drive, by shoving me into the taxi…