Why Can’t All Lads Be Sound Like Hozier?
Last night I sat down on the side of that new big Star Wars arcade game in Cineworld. It’s the right height for sitting down and the vent was blowing warm air onto the back of my calves. Cinemas don’t have couches in their lobbies for good enough reason, pay first relax later. I felt I’d beaten the system by finding a place to rest. My cine-buddy texted to say he’d be ten minutes late, I was twenty minutes early – I was in for some good ass sitting.
People trickled by, all ready for an enjoyable evening, I noticed the new couples, the friends and the fellow cinecard holders ready to be bored by Steve Jobs. Whilst I sat, a group of youths veered near me and slowed down, the beta male of the group walked back towards me, said nothing, and put his hands on my face, not to hurt me but in an act of “what are you going to do?” while his friends laughed. I got up and told him not to touch me and walked over to security. The group saw this and scattered, their night of hanging out indoors for free was ruined. I was delighted, as this kind of thing happens a lot, but it was the first time I was able to do something about it no matter how small. I then sat down and gave out to myself for staring into space and sitting on the side of an arcade machine and I thought, “Hozier wouldn’t stop me in the street and ask for the shift sarcastically”.
I read stories about street harassment in Dublin, I feel desperately angry for them, I read the inevitable comments underneath that say it’s not a big deal, you’re just looking for attention, you should be delighted that strangers want to tell you you’re beautiful. How are you supposed to feel when strangers want to tell you you’re not beautiful? That in fact the opposite. How do you feel when you walk across the Ha’penny Bridge and hear the words “fat bitch” whispered into your ear, you turn around to see who it was while a pile of lads walk away laughing? There’s no one else on the bridge. You keep walking and give out to yourself for forgetting to bring your headphones out with you.
It never happens when I’m with people, so I always think I’m over-reacting when a man pushes his friend in to me, or when a lad runs up to me and says “will you shift my friend? C’mon you’re gorgeous, do you think you’re too good for him?” while his friend is in fits of mortified giggles, shaking his head. I just laugh and say no as if somehow I’m in on the joke, that way I feel like we’ve made a funny little street play or I laugh because I’m scared he’ll hit me, I mean if I’m low enough to have my feelings hurt for a laugh why not? And then I walk on and I get a bit sad and I blame myself for wearing a big pink fluffy coat and a headdress. I try to rationalise it, I try to figure out what’s wrong with me, then I remember, saying something derogatory to a stranger is far more abnormal than wearing a funky animal hat from Pennys.
I’m a stand up comedian. Being heckled is a different story. Every time I’ve been heckled it’s been by a person from the same demographic that annoy me on the street, a very drunk man in his twenties or young lad collecting pallets. When they heckle me, it’s always about how they want to fuck me and how this is laughable.
I believe “tiny penis?” is the correct response. For some this emotional immaturity will be life long. Others will grow out of it. It’s hard to remember, but the problem is THEIRS, not their victims’. Remind your inner superior being to remind you of this. <3
Yeah i think its unfortunate fact of life that there are assholes out there that think this is acceptable behaviour, its just pure ignorance and life is about rising above them… I think its a totally fair point to say that men don’t get the same abuse and it isnt fair….. btw thats not to say sexism doesn’t extend beyond so called ignorant lads in tracksuits and isn’t more subtly perpetrated by guys who wear scarves and skinny jeans,to say otherewise is a gross misrepresentation….fair dues for fighting back, they need to be confronted… especially if it was by one of their peers, it could make all the difference to let them know its unacceptable
life is a about rising above them?…i got from the article that Alison is basically in a different universe of understanding and rising above this problem, she is the epitome of personal agency rather than victimhood, but like fecking PPI calls they are always gonna get you!..I think she had let them know its unacceptable. I think perhaps being a lone voice on this is unacceptable. You, albeit in a kind and open way, are re-explaining someones else’s direct experience and missing out the nuance.
perhaps I didn’t really need to say anything is what you mean, but where you see a desire to mansplain the situation I was actually trying to respond with empathy but perhaps mixed with a pessimistic view of the world and of people… my point aside from as you say “re-explaining” in a rather convuluted manner is that theirs a falseness in the idea that we can be saved if we act like Hozier, and I don’t mean specifically Hozier…. like its not either Princes who can save us or ignorant trolls…. my last point is in that regard, if there’s one guy in the group, who thinks ehhhh this isn’t okay but then doesn’t say anything thats the point that needs to be addressed… there aren’t any heroes, but there is the possibility of decent acts
You’re SO right, Hozier would NEVER come up and ask you for the shift sarcastically.
Why can’t skanger teenagers aspire to be more like Hozier? Why can’t they all? Stupid fuckers.
That’s the best line ever, and I know, and you wrote this so beautifully. And I think the revenge anti-heckle attack was perfectly appropriate.
I already knew I loved you Ali Spi.
I think a lot of arseholes feel that fat people are fair game, even the arseholes who think they’re not arseholes because they don’t say racist things, etc. I used to be about 24 stone and yeah, I’d get shit all the time, not just from lads, not just from young people, the one uniting factor was that they were all clearly chickenshit arseholes. Not one person was ever on their own. Not one person ever approached me when I was with someone else.
I don’t know that there’s a solution to it. “Arseholes will always be with you” to paraphrase yerman.
I think you’re doing a good thing by addressing it publicly, might catch some of the insecure people out there before they take it out on someone else.
I’ve experienced this kind of thing myself, love your take on it. Why people feel the right to judge others I just don’t understand. I once went into a “normal” clothes shop and the shop assistant rushed over to me to tell me “We don’t sell anything your size here”. WTF? I knew that, I was actually gonna get something for my sister but hell if I wanted to squeeze myself into a size 10 then that’s my business surely, I didn’t need to be ushered out of the shop like I was lowering their cred by my mere overweight presence. Nobody should be made feel they must live their lives in the shadows just because of what idiotic scrotes are gonna say or do if they step into the light.
Some-one said to a friend of mine when I was in ear shot “You should dress up a little bit more and put some make up on like the other girls if you want to get a fella. You know Ireland is 99% about looks”. It’s so sad that we have come on such a small journey and have evolved so little when it comes to judging people and placing them in a certain rank because of how they look. This sort of rubbish will totally dissipate one day and in years to come people will say “You know a 100 years ago society used to judge people on the way that they looked”. To which the response will be “Shut the fuck up, that is ridiculous’.