Author

Camillus John 9 posts 0 comments

Camillus John was bored and braised in Dublin. He has had fiction published in The Stinging Fly, RTÉ Ten and Headstuff.org. Recently, he killed the Taoiseach in fiction in the Welch literary magazine, The Lonely Crowd, with a piece entitled, The Assassination of Enda Kenny. His novel, The Rise and Fall of Cinderella's Left Testicle, has yet to find a publisher.

Music

Bird’s Bop Apocalypse | 100 Years of Charlie Parker

Camillus John Sep 16, 2020 0

Charlie Parker would have been a chin-stroking one hundred years of age this month. Kloop. Mop. Rebop. Apocalypse. Happy birthday, with a whirlwinding flurry of breathless demisemiquavers on top. He was Bird. His nickname. And we were bird…

Literature

Fortnightly Fiction | Emancipate the Dissonance by Arnold Schoenberg

Camillus John Feb 19, 2018 0

The scream in Eric’s neck started Bronx cheering at a higher volume than it had been for a whole week. 'You're scum. You're scum. You're scum.' Lying on his bed like a steel ruler, he wasn't long home from a sweaty night shift at…

Science

Who’s afraid of Coddle? | Shot of Science Fiction

Camillus John Mar 24, 2017 0

My daughter, Keisha-Imelda, had stopped believing in coddle. This was way back in 2026. She was white in the face. I had to take her on one of the greatest jockey-back journeys of our Martian world, to try and get her believing again.…

Literature

Review| The Word in Flames by Dave Lordan

Camillus John Nov 21, 2016 0

Dave Lordan is some cunt for writing this collection. And I mean that in the same way that Slippy-Sloppy would mean it. Slippy-Sloppy (a nickname for Stephen) was a bloke I used to work alongside in the Dunkin’ Donuts bakery in Cherry…

Topical Features

Equality & Classism | The Unbearable Lightness of the Ironic Man

Camillus John Mar 1, 2016 0

What does paedophilia have to do with classism? And should the Irish middle classes be worried? In the submission call by Headstuff.org for articles on equality I never expected to see classism on the list in a month of Sunday coddles.…

Fortnightly Fiction

Fortnightly Fiction | London is The Jesus and Mary Chain

Camillus John Jan 22, 2016 0

Now Playing: Snakedriver I wore a black dress with no knickers because I’d heard that the feedback and distortion from The Jesus and Mary Chain would make me micturate uncontrollably during their performance. My husband did the same.…

Humour

McDonald’s Music |3| The Vanilla Milkshake

Camillus John Sep 8, 2015 0

The vanilla milkshake looked at Zeus and sang – ‘I kissed a horse and I liked it. A horse kiss is the final ingredient in my chemical equation to blow my teacher’s retroussé nose right off her face when she reads my essay on the influence…

Humour

McDonald’s Music |2| The French Fry

Camillus John Sep 1, 2015 0

The French Fry took off his clothes. Two gherkined-up hamburgers, with their salads half-peeping out of their buns, and melted cheese dribbling down their meat, came towards him. They rubbed him down thoroughly with salt and vinegar.…

Humour

McDonald’s Music |1| The Hamburger

Camillus John Aug 25, 2015 0

The hamburger was about to jump up on stage. ‘Smear some of this on your buns before you go on Missy. Mustard on your top bun and mayo on your bottom.’ She could do this. It would be easy. She smeared it on thick. ‘And lay this…